Silverbeard and the Three Bears

Mid-September it is, up here in Washington on The Pilchuck. 

The apples in my orchard have set, grown plump with juice in their flesh and have begun to drop not far from these old legacy trees planted by Frank Cook, my father-in-law.

The days are long, but grow shorter. The land seems ripe with pleasant bounty. There is a sense of fullness around the place.

It is a ripe time for jolly fables and fairy tales. 

One is not to believe the literal truth of such tales, but perhaps there is a lesson to be had in the telling and in the hearing. I have a tale:

Silverbeard and the Three Bears

I tell it and most listeners know enough to hear me out and then reply; Nice story bro - but it's a natural fact that there are no bears in Arlington nor Stanwood. Everybody knows that.

If only The Brothers Grimm or Aesop himself had a phone in their tunic with video capabilities*, they would not be celebrated for fairy tales and fables, but as troubadours of true and natural facts.

Once upon a time in the great Pacific Northwest woods stood a house of stone and wood. A man with a long silver beard lived in the house alone. 

Silverbeard meets Mama Bear & the Two cubs

One day (specifically, September 14, 2023) a mama bear and two cubs galloped across Silverbeard's field and knocked on the door of his humble cottage deep in the woods.

When he opened the door, Mama Bear growled at Silverbeard, "We are three ferocious and hungry bears and we demand to come in and eat your porridge and cinnamon oatmeal!"  

Silverbeard replied, "Oatmeal? Oatmeal with cinnamon? Why, Mrs. Suneson ate the last bowl on Sunday. There is no porridge for growly, ferocious and hungry bears here. Go away."

Mama Bear snarled, "We are omnivores, we will eat anything, including you." 

Silverbeard said, "Ah yes, omnivores, you should have mentioned that at the beginning. Y'all come inside and I will fix y'all up some Brussel sprout and sourcrout and prune tacos."

The two cubs standing behind Mama Bear heard my offer and went into conniption fits. "Eeew! Yuck and Bleck! they shouted. We won't eat tacos with sourcrout and prunes even if you put us in time out and make us count to a gazillion and eleven. Nope." 

Placing my hands on my hips and catching the exasperation in Mama Bear's eyes, I whispered, "Hey Mama, it looks like this is already a long day scavenging the woods with the finicky youngin's in tow. Must be tough. How about you take your cubbies over yonder and send one of 'em up that apple tree and him knock down the fruit up in those branches and get some nice apples for you and the whole family?"

"Apples right off the tree? Orchard fresh? You don't say."

"I do say. Help yourself." Then Silverbeard added, "I think you'll find them apples 'just right'."

So, if the question ever comes up, who's been eating my apples?

Silverbeard and The Three Bears will reply, "I have! And they are not too tart and they are not too hard, they are just right!"

Silverbeard shared his apple orchard bounty with the deer and the antelope and The Three Bears and the skies were not cloudy all day. And they all live happily ever after.

*Video evidence is provided as proof of this fabulous tale from the little cottage deep in the woods.