Monday, September 30, 2013

What shall I do this Weekend?

Sue was busy all week gathering Goldfish snacks, color markers and other art and craft supplies.  She was gearing up for the All-Church Retreat in the Piny Woods of East Texas, and she was in charge of the programming for kids.  She drove 70 miles to meet with the "Activator Team" from Austin College who was going to send out some of the college kids to help with the camp activities.  Sue started in July in search of just two people to hire for childcare over the weekend - and it now being the third weekend in September; the waffling and non-committal vibes of those she spoke with were keeping her simple request from being fulfilled.  She simply asked that they submit an application and get a background check, but this task was still far from gelling as Friday approached.  As the cut-off time drew nigh for hiring some help, she would again call as a reminder to those who expressed an interest and get a response, "Oh, do you need that form? I'll get that right over to you."  The next afternoon, she inquires, "Where is your form?"  She gets an answer, "Oh, i guess I forgot. Ha ha."  She then receives a resume, but not a completed application nor a background check.  Are they really all a bunch of hillbilly in East Texas?

With this flurry of autumnal activity whizzing past me, I realize I will be baching it for Friday and Saturday.  What shall I do?  What shall I do with a day-and-a-half to myself? 

THE envelope please!

This particular official envelope comes with a City of Garland logo embossed upon the upper left corner with the return address listing: Code Compliance Department.  I ceremoniously slit the top of the official envelope and read: 

     VIOLATION: Encroachment - Street.  Please correct by 9/27/2013.
     Comments: Take a 14 foot pole and place it next to the curb and anything that touches the pole needs to be trimmed back to allow for safe passage of vehicular traffic.

That settles it, I now know what I'll be doing this weekend. Those dangerous twigs and leaves hanging less than 14-feet above the curb are a danger to vehicular traffic! 

Friday brings a welcome cool front through Dallas and drops some needed rain which is followed by pleasant air, cool and dry on Saturday morning.  However, I get a text from Sue on Friday nighr, having driven through driving rain in East Texas on her way to the retreat, once she arrives she (and everyone else) discover that the power is out at camp.  The electric water pumps without power means the toilets need to be flushed by carrying in buckets of water from the lake and poured into the bowl.  Those that remembered to bring flashlights are heroes in the pitch dark sleeping quarters.  And 1 of the childcare workers actually managed to get his papers in just in time to help out (the other 1 was told her service could not be used since she didn't get her paers in).  This congregation at the All-Church Retreat was wandering in the wilderness until the power was restored around 6 AM Saturday morning.  They survived.  They crossed into the Promised Land.

Meanwhile, I stepped out in the morning to check my pole pile.  Let see here, there is a 7 1/4 foot pole, a 10-foot pole [I use this one to NOT touch things], a handy 6-footer; but alas, no 14-foot pole to check for dangerous foliage from my ash trees. I guess I'll just have to go out and buy another length pole.  I select a nice orange 14-foot aluminum pole, it is a telescoping jobber with a saw and a pulley-activated brush hook at the end.  A veritable Swiss Army knife kind of pole, or maybe a Swiss Army pike.  I pay my $43 and I'm in business.

I extend my telescoping tool, I lay the saw blade in a little crotch and begin making the sawdust drift down into my eyes like cellulose snow flakes.  I drop a couple of branches in short order.  Then with a flick of the wrist I snag a few other branches with the brush hook and yank on the rope and down they drop in one smooth motion, just like Marie Antoinette's head.  That was fun.  But now I think that there are still some dangerous twigs about to grow out into the street very soon - they must go as well I decide.  I get my chain saw and lean my ladder against a couple of upright bifurcated parts of the trunk.  I wrap my needs around an inclined branch for balance and squeeze the trigger to bring the chain saw to roaring life and cut off the 7-inch branch.  Once nearly severed from the main limb, it bows to the ground but is not completely cut off. It needs a little under cut.  I hold the chain saw bar to the underside of the limb and cut it off, it then slides down limb and pins my foot in the V of two major trunks.  I immediately think of that hiker who had to cut off his own hand with a pocket knife in the Utah wilderness in order to free himself from his doom of dehydration after being pinned by a loose bolder.  At least it will be quicker to cut off my foot using a chain saw rather than carving it off with a pocket knife.  I am relieved to be able to lift overlying limb off of my own limb, and swing back onto the ladder and scamper to the ground.

I go to town cutting off a couple more 7-inch branches and cleaning out the interior of my two front yard ash trees.  I haul off a hefty amount of biomass to the curb where the city is kind enough to use my tax dollars to haul these offending bits and chunks of wood and leaves away on Bulk Trash Wednesdays.

I await my next assignment from the city. 

I saw off some of the thicker portions of the logs and stack them next to the garage for this winter's fireplace.  Ashes to ashes as the saying goes. So true.

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