Fat Tuesday, Fat Chance

Today it is Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday. 
Tomorrow it is Ash Wednesday on the liturgical calendar.

"Fat Tuesday" a day devoted to reveling in carnal pleasures of the drink and of the flesh, and I might say a day devoted to revealing the consequences of a small god and impoverished theology -- but I digress; today was to be the day Grant was granted his driver's license.  Fat Tuesday?  Fat Chance!

While the dizzy throngs in New Orleans sing out to the ladies, "Show me your tits!", and then toss Mardi Gras beads approvingly their way.  Our experience at the Department of Public Safety's Drivers License Office was far from revelatory.  At the DPS the ladies sing out, "Show me your forms!", "Show me your permit!", "Show me the money".  "Now have a seat", and sling a receipt our way.

We had a seat, a nice long sit while watching the keno board in a room stuffed with 82 of our intensely interested fellow citizens; "Now serving 496 at Station 15".  Finally, Grant's number was called, "519 at Station 9!"  At last.  This was our 5th trip to the DPS in the last 2 weeks trying to get his license.  I am not making this up! 

The first 2 trips to the Dallas DPS, the office was closed due to water damage, the sign said reopening on Feb 28.  I called that office, the Austin DPS HQ and other Dallas County regional offices trying to verify that they were indeed open on the 28th.  Not in any one of the 3 locations I called did an employee answer the phone, nor was there a recorded message device that could confirm or deny that the DPS was in business.  We arrived, documents in order, on the 28th.  CLOSED - Open on Feb 28th March 7.

Grant got out of school at 2:30 on March 7 and we hustled to the DPS, barely obeying all traffic laws and posted speed limits, and glory hallelujah, find the office open on our 3rd trip there.  After a 25 minute wait in line, Grant presents his forms to the information lady, stating his business is to apply for a first time license.
"Oh golly, it is 3:17, I am just not sure they are going to do any more road test today.  Let me go see."
She disappears behind the gray wall for 2 or 3 minutes.  I could be wrong - but I am not.  This is what I know was going on behind the gray wall:
"Benny, you wanna take another one on the road today?"
"Geeze Louise!  You think I wanna take anymore of those nervously little chones-wetting kids out on the road?  Look, I think by the time I finish this cup of coffee I can score my 40th win in a row, a personal best at this here solitaire game.  Look, we all get off in an hour forty-five, I gotta tell ya, I am done for the day!"
She returns to the counter and gives us the bad news, "We aren't giving anymore road test today.  But you can come back earlier tomorrow."
"Earlier?  He doesn't get out of school until 2:30."
"Well in that case have somebody come get in line, using his permit number and hold a place for him 'til he gets here.  Or, you can go to the Garland office - they have road tests 'til 4." 

We get to the Garland office, and as we are waiting in line, she puts out a sign:

       NO More     
   Driving Tests   
        Today         

For those keeping score at home -This was our 4th visit to a DPS office.  We return home.  I feel for the kid and I am emotionally drained.  I drink 3 glasses of root beer - which only helps a little.

So close today.  Grant is at the counter, I have paid the license fee, he has had his photo taken and then while they are examining his education and driving log sheets, a woman with asphalt in her soul whispers to our processing lady, "No more tests today".  Our processing lady advocates for us, pleading our case that we are in the middle of completing the process AND we were here yesterday as well.  But rules are rules and fair is fair - we are state employees and  besides it will be 4 o'clock in 12 minutes and after is is 4, it will be 5 and at 5 we are CLOSED. 
We are told come back tomorrow and just get right into that written testing line and maybe you'll get through in time. 

God forgive me, after 5 trips to the DPS - and we're still not done (!)
I am loosing my religion of grace and a sovereign God. 
I can use a bit of Fat Tuesday debauchery. 
Lets just throw away the cars, the bombs and wars and get nekid with a glass of root beer and bourbon - naw, just the bourbon. 
What do I want to give up for Lent?
For Lent, I would like to give up having to go back to the DPS bureaucracy

Maybe with a bit o' luck o' the Irish, Grant will get his license on Saint Patrick's Day. 
The sixth times a charm. Right?